posted 08-27-2001 11:49 PM               

If five sticks of Wrigley's spearmint gum do nothing to alleviate your air-pressure-ear clog problem, can you reasonably expect five more to work a miracle?

Remember that "Wear Sunscreen" song from a few years back? They might have something there. (Ow, Ow . . .Owwwwww!)

I don't care how beautiful your convention center is (and San Diego's is fairly attractive), that does not give you the right to charge $3 for one stinkin' Snapple. No way, no how.

posted 08-27-2001 11:50 PM               

See, on my vacation this year, I chose to go backpacking through the woods of northern Maine, so Dave and I were about as far apart as two people can get without actually leaving the lower 48. I had leeches and bears to contend with, but at least they didn't go on about Clerks for hours like it was the Bhagvad-Gita.

It was relaxing and invigorating at the same time, even though we got lost on the first night and I forgot all those wildlife field guides I own, so whenever I saw an example of wildlife I could only point clumsily into the woods and blurt out Nelly Furtado lyrics ("Um, like -- a bird."), and there was also the whole Blair Witch issue to contend with. But it was fun.

We never saw anyone at all, which was really great. We saw a park ranger once, who gave us directions to the nearest campsite, which seemed like a good idea at the time, since all the trails were blazed with the same color and some of the signs had been -- really -- eaten by beavers. But it actually turned out the park ranger was insane.

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PARK RANGER: Okay, what you want to do is you want to go about three miles down the Upper Fowler Pond trail until you come to the sign which will point you in the direction of the Middle Fowler Pond trail.

ME: But the last sign was eaten by beavers.

PARK RANGER: Right. Then you want to take a left and follow the blazes on the trees until you come to the Middle Fowler Pond trail, which should be clearly marked by a sign.

ME: Um.

PARK RANGER: Then you want to make a left at the one tree that looks kind of like a telephone pole. Then another left at the next tree that looks kind of like a giant stick sticking up out of the ground.

ME: Aren't there thousands of trees? I mean, it is Maine, right?

PARK RANGER: Be sure and pack out your trash now.

ME: Um. Okay, thanks, I guess.

PARK RANGER: Say, have you ever seen Clerks?

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posted 08-29-2001 01:29 AM               

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Originally posted by Pattie Gillett:

If five sticks of Wrigley's spearmint gum do nothing to alleviate your air-pressure-ear clog problem, can you reasonably expect five more to work a miracle?

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This is the sort of wisecrack I'm almost glad I wasn't able to hear . . .

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Remember that "Wear Sunscreen" song from a few years back? They might have something there. (Ow, Ow . . .Owwwwww!)

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Particularly on a boat in the middle of the flarging bay in the middle ofthe afternoon. They almost didn't let Pattie on the place because they thought she was trying to smuggle a six-foot-tall lobster . . .

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I don't care how beautiful your convention center is (and San Diego's is fairly attractive), that does not give you the right to charge $3 for one stinkin' Snapple. No way, no how.

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And I, Snapple junkie that I am, paid for my fix. I did draw the line at the three dollar slice of pizza after the first day, though.

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Note to all California waiters: unless I'm wearing a large sign that says "I can get your screenplay to Kevin Smith," please take my order first, ask questions later. (I swear, this actually happened.)

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I truly shudder to think of what a con in LA would have been like.

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Originally posted by Kevin Ott:

I had leeches and bears to contend with, but at least they didn't go on about Clerks for hours like it was the Bhagvad-Gita.

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Other than the waiter, who wasn't even part of the con, we really didn't run into many Kevin Smith enthusiasts, if any. We did pick up a promo poster for Green Arrow for my brother, though.

You know, what was really kind of depressing were the number of sci-fi vets at the con who really didn't seem to be attracting a lot of attention. Phil Brown, the guy who played Uncle Owen in Star Wars. was there, in a wheelchair no less, I think -- and when I looked at his table not a person was there to talk to him.

I'm not even gonna get into the guy who played Admiral Motti. All I can say is, if you have a name I don't recognize, you might have a bit of a problem.

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blurt out Nelly Furtado lyrics ("Um, like -- a bird.")

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Turn out the light, we have a winner.

posted 08-31-2001 05:55 PM               

Ah, summer vacation. I went to Italy and Hungary with friends. Actually, we had a great time.
Except for the part where I became a living American Express ad. That wasn't so great.
But I have gotten a lot of milage out of the whole sordid robbery mess.
And a lovely photo to boot. [If anyone even asks if I look anything like that picture, I will hunt you down and kill you like the dog you are. Seriously. It's not funny.]

Dave, I am sending this story on to my aunt who lives part of the year in San Diego. She will find you recount of the weather amusing. I know I did.

posted 09-04-2001 08:32 AM               

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She will find your recount of the weather amusing. I know I did.

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What, are you gonna claim you had bad weather because one day the high was 85? Seriously, glad you were amused.

posted 09-04-2001 02:36 PM               

I was living in San Diego a few years ago when the Super Bowl (Packers-Broncos) came to town, and I was actually lucky enough to see the game itself (I would have been luckier if I actually liked football, but whattayagonnado). Better than the game, though, was the citywide party that came with it.

So one night I was walking down the street in the Gaslamp Quarter -- the place was packed with bacchalanian revelers -- and saw two guys holding signs and bullhorns. The signs had things like "REPENT" and "ACCEPT JESUS" written on them, and the guys were shouting through the bullhorns that everyone was going to hell if they didn't shape up and stop drinking and accept Jesus into their hearts and maybe put some damn clothes on. Not the wisest thing to do in the middle of a Mardis Gras-like atmosphere, but I'm guessing the J-Dog had their backs in case anyone decided to go hatin' on their proselytizin'.

Anyway, a small crowd of people had gathered around one of the men to jeer and mock him; I could hardly be sympathetic, since I didn't feel he was taking the brightest approach to evangelism. I approached the second guy and asked him if maybe there wasn't a better way to get people interested in Christianity than waiting until they're drunk and then telling them Satan's got a room all made up for them.

"Well," he said, "This probably isn't the best way, but it's not my choice."

I asked him what he meant, and he pointed to a guy about a hundred feet away, sitting on a lawn chair with his feet up. Next to him was the loudspeaker that the bullhorns were connected to. Nobody was bothering him, since nobody really knew that he was connected to the other guys. The guy in the chair was the boss, it turned out, and he was putting the guys with the bullhorns on the front lines.

posted 09-04-2001 03:35 PM               

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I would have been luckier if I actually liked football, but whattayagonnado

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posted 09-07-2001 11:45 AM               

Other good convention centers/cities: San Antonio (right near the Riverwalk), New Orleans (easy access to the Streetcar system), and Washington DC (because it's DC).

Bad convention centers/cities: Dallas (in the middle of nowheresville, bused into CC), Orlando (really huge, and I hate FL), and (this one is word of mouth, but I'll let you know in June) Cinncinati.

posted 09-18-2001 11:38 PM               

Speaking of Philadelphia in August, we can't forget Jon Stewart's description of the climate here: