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Author
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Topic: Self-Help for the Rest of Us (April 2001)
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Dave Thomer
Guardian of Peace and Justice in the Galaxy
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posted 04-04-2001 12:12 AM
   
This month's Humor article is now online. |
Kevin Ott
True Believer
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posted 04-04-2001 12:13 AM
* You are the founding editor of a website devoted to discussions of pop culture, politics and philosophy, but are so monstrously overworked in your chosen field of study that you can't write a thing without mentioning it. The color of your sky is blue, but there's really no guarantee that it's the same blue that everyone else sees.* You are another founding editor of the same website, and you're trying to get yourself a new job in a location that doesn't so closely resemble the unpleasant end of a John Sayles film, but instead you keep thinking up these great story ideas that you just have to work on now, and you've got to go to Pittsburgh this weekend and Philly the next, and too much of your time is spent either reading Harry Potter books or wondering if it would be possible to have carnal knowledge of the woman that works at the other end of your office. The color of your sky isn't really that important because you're such a pathetic slacker, you stupid jerk. * You are a member of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. Because of you, Gladiator, while a fine film, is now officially considered a better movie than Erin Brockovich, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Traffic. If I ever get a hold of you, the color of your sky will be irrelevant because it won't be visible past the six feet of loamy soil that sits above you.
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Pattie Gillett
True Believer
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posted 04-04-2001 12:14 AM
Pardon me while I recover from flashbacks of Dave's career picking Alpine slalom ride.
OK, I'm fine now. I think this book is going to a be a best seller, certainly ahead of that damn Surrendered Wife crap. I'd like the code so I can figure out the colors of the skies in the worlds of the following individuals who bring joy to my life:A certain individual who pays my salary who boasted today that since his boss orders him around and his wife orders him around at home, it was his damn right to order me around at work. What color is that? The voters in the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences for thinking for a fraction of a second that Gladiator was better than Traffic or Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon or even a piece of gum on my shoe. How is it better than that gum, huh? What color is that? Whoever came up with the concept of the "Weapon of Choice" Fatboy Slim video that consists entirely of Christopher Walken dancing. OK, I actually go back and forth between wanting to know what color the sky is that person's world and wanting to be in that world. Right now I'm on "What color is that?" OK, Dave, these answers had better be in this book or you'd better come out with a second edition and fast.
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Dave Thomer
Guardian of Peace and Justice in the Galaxy
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posted 04-04-2001 12:38 AM
It would appear we had some issues with the Academy Awards this year . . . |
Kevin Ott
True Believer
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posted 04-04-2001 01:28 AM
Gladiator wasn't quite that bad. And FBS really can do no wrong, if you ask me. Moby could still kick is butt across town, though.Quidditch rocks. |
Mary Beth McDonnell
Just Got Here
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posted 04-11-2001 04:25 PM
God (or, for Dave, a higher force or being) help me if I ever plan my career choices on a pet turtle. On second thought, maybe that's why I haven't had much luck careerwise. I need to get rid of my nasty cat and get a turtle.
And Kevin, Erin Brockovich was nothing more than a high-budget Lifetime Original Movie. |
Pattie Gillett
True Believer
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posted 04-11-2001 06:55 PM
Welcome, MBM. Soooooo glad to see you here!
You know, you're the second person I know who has come to that conclusion about Erin Brokovich, although not in exactly those words. She said it was "a made-for-TV-movie with cusswords." I still can't believe SS made that and Traffic. Talk about two completely different flicks. Wonder what color his sky is? Of course, he might not care because that pile of money may be blocking his view. |
Dave Thomer
Guardian of Peace and Justice in the Galaxy
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posted 04-14-2001 05:07 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Mary Beth McDonnell:God (or, for Dave, a higher force or being) help me if I ever plan my career choices on a pet turtle. On second thought, maybe that's why I haven't had much luck careerwise. I need to get rid of my nasty cat and get a turtle.
Well, you know, maybe you don't plan your career around the pet turtle . . . unless the turtle has a really spiffy vaudeville act or something . . . but I mean, maybe the turtle runs away the day you have an interview or something, or you get to a meeting late because you're looking for the turtle, or your little brother who is inexplicably nicknamed 'Fudge' actually winds up eating the turtle . . . I mean, there's all kinds of ways that turtle can really mess you up, you know? And ya gotta be prepared for it. That's why there's a chapter in the book specifically about the color of the sky in your pet's world, so this kind of crisis can be avoided. | |
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