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Author
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Topic: Coming Soon to a TV Near You
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Dave Thomer
Guardian of Peace and Justice in the Galaxy
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posted 02-14-2001 12:01 PM
   
The Sci Fi Channel and The Food Network team up to bring you this summer's hottest new action-educational series:Iron Sentinel Chef Five years ago, a man's dream became reality -- Kitchen Precinct, the world's largest cooking arena and police headquarters. The motivation for spending his fortune? To experience new taste sensations and defend his estate from evildoers. To this end, he began secretly collecting the best chefs in Japan and sent them to South America to learn from an ancient order of monks. Now, they must all their senses like weapons to kick evil's butt, while developing dishes that can be called true artistic creations. At Kitchen Precinct, the heat will be on! |
Pattie Gillett
True Believer
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posted 02-15-2001 09:55 PM
Will there be a theme ingredient or theme sense each week? Or will each chef specialize in a single sense?"Iron Sentinel Chef French who also goes by the code name Sniffy . . ." |
babydoc
One of the Regulars
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posted 02-16-2001 07:26 PM
Will Emeril and his F*&$ing catch phrases be his arch nemesis? They could face off with cayenne pepper and green horseradish... |
Andrew Wester
One of the Regulars
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posted 02-18-2001 11:25 PM
would the main weapons be yellow peppers? |
Dave Thomer
Guardian of Peace and Justice in the Galaxy
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posted 02-18-2001 11:28 PM
I'm thinking the Iron Sentinel Chef would have to use the enhanced senses of the week's theme ingredient, and they'd each have their own weapons. Iron Sentinel Chef Chinese is lucky, he has that cleaver. And Iron Sentinel Chef Italian can throw the tomato at someone and blind them. I have no idea what the flarg Iron Sentinel Chef French is gonna do with that pear, though. |
slgorman
One of the Regulars
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posted 02-19-2001 11:34 PM
I'd love to claim credit to these, but the Reuster played a huge part in their production."Cooking with Hannibal" (I'm just going to say, right now, that this idea was sprouted at Christmas time and, in no way, has anything to do with the recent movie.) Sponsored by Lecthers Housewares. 'Nuff said. "This Old Crack House" When the recession hits this PBS stand-by, no yuppie scum can afford to have their trash home renovated. Steve and 'Bowb' move on to renovate the community. And learn life-long lessons, too. "Gardening in Humbolt County" All you ever wanted to know about organic gardening of illegal substances. "Good Eating" This show has a different celebrity host each week. Scheduled to host are Calista Flockhart, Lara Flynn Boyle, and Tracy Gold. "Untitled Canadian Courtroom Drama" Since there is no *real* crime in Canada, and people are insufferably polite, each week this show has "perpetrators" confessing to such crimes as borrowing the neighbors milk without asking and using the neighbors hose to water the lawn because theirs was broken. The jury always returns a 'not guilty' verdict, too. Watch out Law and Order. But by far our best idea was this. |
Dave Thomer
Guardian of Peace and Justice in the Galaxy
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posted 02-22-2001 12:37 AM
By all means, folks, check out the infographic on The Onion's front page. And sl, at the rate Dick Wolf is going, I wouldn't be surprised to see himn take you up on Untitled Canadian Courtroom Drama. It would have to be renamed to something like Law & Order: Maple Leaf Murder Unit or Canucks & Criminals, though. (I thought he had scraped the bottom of the barrel with Arrest & Trial, but now he's working on a reality series about New York DAs called Trial & Error. Talk about milking one good idea for all it's worth . . . |
Pattie Gillett
True Believer
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posted 02-25-2001 12:15 PM
The more I think about it, the more I believe L&O was a fluke for Dick Wolf much like I believe there is an inverse relationship between the quality of the The X Files and the amount of involvement Chris Carter has with the show. Oh dear, there I go digressing again.[This message has been edited by Pattie Gillett (edited 02-25-2001).] |
Kevin Ott
True Believer
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posted 03-01-2001 01:59 AM
I know Dave will remember this, because we loved it in high school, and I'm hoping the rest of you do too.Once, way back in the early 90s, on the old MTV Half Hour Comedy Hour, was a skit that was basically "This Old House" hosted by Robert Smith of The Cure. It was hilarious. Smith (or the actor playing him, at least) would basically walk around telling the workers to halt whatever work they were doing in midproject, claiming that he liked the squalor and depression. He asked them to brick all the windows up instead of replacing them, and to leave the bathroom floor unfinished rather than retile it. It was great. |
Dave Thomer
Guardian of Peace and Justice in the Galaxy
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posted 03-01-2001 04:50 AM
OK, how many different reality shows do you think we can combine here? I'm thinking we could get something like Making the Real Mole Rules on Survivor Island, where people like Britney Spears and that guy she's dating from *N Sync and all the other tenn-pop couples get thrown onto an island with a bunch of teen-pop wanna-bes, and they have to move from village to village doing "audition" challenges, and whichever thrown-together group loses the challenge has to vote someone off, and they have to hike between the villages and camp out, which gives the single people a chance to try and break up the couples while trying to figure out who's the spy in their midst, and we can throw some wacky physical stunt challenges in there too, and of course one of the things that gets washed onto the island with the castaways is a solar-powered boom box so that the castaways can continue to be kept on the cutting edge of today's music scene.Whaddaya think? |
babydoc
One of the Regulars
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posted 03-01-2001 08:00 PM
Dave, I think a tactical nuclear strike would be called for on that island.... |
Dave Thomer
Guardian of Peace and Justice in the Galaxy
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posted 03-01-2001 10:59 PM
Now that would spike the ratings. |
Pattie Gillett
True Believer
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posted 09-04-2001 02:21 PM
Hey you Iron Chef fans, any one else interested in laughing your rear end off, an American version of the show is in the works and the role of Chairman Kaga has been given to . . . none other than the master himelf:
William Shatner! You really have to admire Shatner's ability to cash in on Shatner-mockery. Shouldn't he get a special award for that? |
Dave Thomer
Guardian of Peace and Justice in the Galaxy
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posted 09-17-2001 09:27 PM
And of course, yesterday, a discussion of these various shows and their impending spinoffs led us to wonder what would happen if Rick Berman and Dick Wolf got together."In the Starfleet criminal justice system, the people are served by two separate but equally important groups: the police who explore strange new worlds, and the attorneys that seek out new life and new civilizations. These are their stories." Because Dick Wolf will not stop until he has his own network. |
Pattie Gillett
True Believer
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posted 09-19-2001 08:23 AM
TNT is rapidly picking up the slack for A&E in hat regard. Three episodes of L&O per day on weekdays and at least four on Sundays. Apparently, one of the few constansts in American televison is the obsessed Law and Order fan contingent.
That, and the fact that Robert Urich's new series won't last the season.
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Pattie Gillett
True Believer
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posted 09-20-2001 06:59 AM
Fox seems to be taking your advice on resuming the trivial and is adding a little absurd for good measure, Dave. Has anyone else seen the ads for "Who Wants to Be a Princess" It's a contest in the same vein as "Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire" only this time the gentleman (humph) in question is a European prince.
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Kevin Ott
True Believer
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posted 09-20-2001 07:56 PM
Are they sure this time? |
Pattie Gillett
True Believer
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posted 09-21-2001 01:23 AM
Very funny.I don't know if they asked to see his prince ID. Makes you wonder if just any guy wearing a crown could ask for 50 women in bathing suits to strut in front of him. |
Dave Thomer
Guardian of Peace and Justice in the Galaxy
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posted 09-21-2001 02:35 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Pattie Gillett:I don't know if they asked to see his prince ID.
Well, I hear he did have a medallion whose inscription was written in an ancient language, along with a half-man/half-dog manservant and a Winnebago, so that seems to be a pretty good sign. |
Kevin Ott
True Believer
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posted 11-14-2001 10:50 PM
It's November sweeps, and you know what that means! It means boobs galore! No, really, it means all your favorite TV shows will be wowing you with terrific episodes that will make the rest of the season suck in comparison! That, and the boobs thing.Let's take a look at what the networks have planned for us: ER
NARRATOR: This week on ER: The Storm. The biggest ER ever. We really mean it.
CARRIE WEAVER (screaming): Look OUT! Oh my GOD! Don't TOUCH HIM! AAAAAAAAAAAA!
NARRATOR: Seriously. It's big. Honest this time.
CARRIE WEAVER: No! Look out! No! Don't -- no!
NARRATOR: The Storm. It's a really big episode where some stuff will happen. Probably.
CARRIE WEAVER: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA FRIENDS
NARRATOR:This week on Friends: Rachel is still pregnant. Or something. We really don't care anymore.
JOEY: (something)
CHANDLER: (something else)
NARRATOR: Watch it. Or don't, really. You know, we might even play some old Seinfeld reruns. That might be good.
MONICA: (something) DARK ANGEL and ALIAS
NARRATOR: It's the event you've been waiting for: The Dark Angel/Alias crossover event.
DARK ANGEL CHICK: You know, I've always thought you had really pretty hair.
ALIAS CHICK: That is such a coincidence. I always thought your hair was so nice and shiny. And you have such pretty skin.
DARK ANGEL CHICK: Maybe we could wash each other's hair!
ALIAS CHICK: First let's take off all our clothes!
DAVID E. KELLEY: Sounds good! THE WEST WING
NARRATOR: On this week's West W-
CJ: Josh!
JOSH: Yeah.
CJ: Senate appropriations oversight veto press conference helicopter filibuster campaign finance environmental protocol Haiti liberal liberal liberal lib-
JOSH: CJ.
CJ: Yeah?
JOSH: What about the thing?
CJ: What thing?
JOSH: The thing, with the-
CJ: Oh, the thing.
JOSH: Yes.
CJ: The thing?
JOSH: Yes.
CJ: Not the other thing?
JOSH: No.
CJ: Josh?
JOSH: Yeah?
CJ: He didn't laugh at the joke. LAW & ORDER
NARRATOR: This week's Law & Order is ripped from the headlines! The search for international terrorists! And everyone's a suspect!
BRISCOE: These guys blew up the World Trade Center!
McCOY: Objection!
RUDOLPH GIULIANI: Is this show even fictional anymore? THIEVES
NARRATOR: Um. Watch Thieves. It's all right, I guess. I haven't really seen it.
JOHN STAMOS: Please watch. Russell Crowe has been calling my wife. Please. I gotta have something. [This message has been edited by Kevin Ott (edited 11-14-2001).] |
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