posted 11-08-2000 06:14 PM               

From the West Wing:
"I'm tired of it! Year after year after year after year, having to choose between the lesser of 'who cares?' Of trying to get myself excited about a candidate who can speak in complete sentences! Of setting the bar so low I can hardly look at it. They say a good man can't get elected President. I don't believe that...do you?"

From the Badlees song Nothing Much of Anything:
one of us should stand up
one of us should scream
one of us should step out
and say just what he means
one of us should say
just what it is we're fighting for
but no one says nothing much
of anything no more

Of course, my choice of quotes might be influenced by current events . . . just a smidge.

posted 11-09-2000 01:53 PM               

Well-behaved women rarely make history.--Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

I have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminst whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat--Rebecca West (1913)

Feminism encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians--Rev. Pat Robertson (GOP Convention 1992)

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent--Eleanor Roosevelt

Because woman's work is never done and is underpaid or unpaid or boring or repetitious and we're the first to get fired and what we look like is more important than what we do and if we get raped it's our fault and if we get beaten we must have provoked it and if we raise our voices we're nagging bitches and if we enjoy sex we're nymphos and if we don't we're frigid and if we love women it's because we can't find a "real" man and if we ask our doctor too many questions we're neurotic and/or pushy and if we expect childcare we're selfish and if we stand up for our rights we're aggressive and "unfeminine" and if we don't we're typical weak females and if we want to get married we're out to trap a man and if we don't we're unnatural and because we still can't get an adequate safe contriceptive but men can walk on the moon and if we can't cope or don't want a pregnancy we're made to feel guilty about abortion and...for lots and lots of other reasons we are part of the women's liberation movement.--can't find the author's name, sorry.

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed individuals can change the world, indeed it's the only thing that ever has.--Margaret Mead

Feminism is the radical notion that women are people.--Cheris Kramarae/Paula Treichler

[Edited because of typos.]

posted 11-09-2000 02:15 PM               

The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality--Dante

Although it is not true that all conservatives are stupid people...it is true that most stupid people are conservative.--John Stuart Mill

If their is no struggle, there is no progress.--Frederick Douglas

Seven Deadly Social Sins: politics without principle, wealth without work, commerce without morality, pleasure without conscience, education without character, science without humanity, worship without sacrifice.--Gandhi

The more you can increase fear of drugs and crime, welfare mothers, immigrants and aliens, the more you control all the people--Noam Chomsky

When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist.--Dom Helder Camara

posted 11-13-2000 01:39 AM               

Here's a random one:

"If you have never stared off into the distance, then your life is a shame." --Counting Crows

posted 11-15-2000 03:41 PM            

"My balls!!"

posted 11-17-2000 02:23 AM               

* "It comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living or get busy dying." - Andy Dufresne in The Shawshank Redemption written by Frank Darabont based on Stephen King's short story.

posted 11-20-2000 10:58 PM               

Here's two from that creator of Communism himself, Karl Marx
"Proletarits of teh world unite!"

posted 11-22-2000 12:55 AM               

Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone.
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon
For the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who
That it's namin'.
For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway
Don't block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There's a battle outside
And it is ragin'.
It'll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'.
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'.

The line it is drawn
The curse it is cast
The slow one now
Will later be fast
As the present now
Will later be past
The order is
Rapidly fadin'.
And the first one now
Will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'.

posted 11-22-2000 02:10 PM               

Quote to think of when dealing with idiot holiday drivers (courtesy of The Smiths "Big Mouth"): Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking when I said by all rights you should bludgened in the head!"

posted 11-25-2000 12:58 AM               

I lit up my Apple
surfed through the shrapnel
accessed my online babe
she reads Aristotle,
says she's a model,
but I've never seen her face

posted 01-02-2001 02:07 AM               

W: Because I try not to think about it.

P: Try not to think about it? This guy -- this Timemaster guy.

W: Timebomb.

P: Timebomb. He can turn back time to suit his own purposes -- totally f***ing with existence.

W: Yeah?

P: Say the guy goes on a bad date. He can turn back the world like in the Bill Murray movie so he can make it like he gets some -- and me and you? Everyone's life gets all zazzed out of whack and like we don't even know it.

W: I said: I try not to think about it.

P: I just don't understand how that doesn't totally --

W: It's like: How do I know that when I see the color blue -- how do I know that you are seeing the same blue I am? It's one of those questions you just try not to think about --

P: Oh my God! How do I know that the color blue is the same to me as it is to you? I --

Perhaps the only reason I find this amusing is that academic philosophers are capable of devoting entire conferences to this very topic, but I think it's a pretty shard piece of dialogue. Check out the comics thread for the full review -- and check out the comic, too.

posted 01-04-2001 03:23 PM               

"What else do I have to do, really, besides slave over a hot stove, rub my fat husband's feet, and dig splinters out of my ass that I get while sitting around pining for you?"

posted 01-04-2001 10:06 PM               

quote:

---

The first part is easy. All it requires is simply the ability to throw yourself forward with all your weight, and the willingness not to mind that it's going to hurt.

That is, it's going to hurt if you fail to miss the ground. Most people fail to miss the ground, and if they are really trying properly, the likelihood is that they will fail to miss it fairly hard.

Clearly, it is the second part, the missing, which presents the difficulties.

One problem is that you have to miss the ground accidentally. It's no good deliberately intending to miss the ground because you won't. You have to have your attention suddenly distracted by something else when you're halfway there, so that you are no longer thinking about falling, or about the ground, or about how much it's going to hurt if you fail to miss it.

It is notoriously difficult to prize your attention away from these three things during the split second you have at your disposal. Hence most people's failure, and their eventual disillusionment with this exhilarating and spectacular sport.

If, however, you are lucky enough to have your attention momentarily distracted at the crucial moment by, say, a gorgeous pair of legs (tentacles, pseudopodia, according to phyllum and/or personal inclination) or a bomb going off in your vicinty, or by suddenly spotting an extremely rare species of beetle crawling along a nearby twig, then in your astonishment you will miss the ground completely and remain bobbing just a few inches above it in what might seem to be a slightly foolish manner.

This is a moment for superb and delicate concentration. Bob and float, float and bob. Ignore all consideration of your own weight and simply let yourself waft higher. Do not listen to what anybody says to you at this point because they are unlikely to say anything helpful. They are most likely to say something along the lines of "Good God, you can't possibly be flying!" It is vitally important not to believe them or they will suddenly be right.

---

posted 01-22-2001 06:45 PM               

NYC: Cheesecake, bagels, bread (old-world artisanal style), Chinese food, and any type of parm sandwich

Philly: Cheesesteaks, hoagies, custard, Amoroso rolls, stromboli

posted 01-25-2001 11:17 AM               

And I never noticed that strombolis in Philly were better than anywhere else. I guess it's because I never really got into stromboli until I left town. The custard issue might be solved by driving two hours west to the Lancaster farmers' markets, where the best custard in explored space can be found.

But confections, for the most part, are Philly's territory.

And the other day I found a place online where you can actually buy Amoroso rolls. I'll look for the URL and post it sometime.

posted 01-25-2001 06:43 PM               

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kevin Ott:
A favorite Adamsism of mine is "The ships hung in the air in much the same way that bricks don't."

---

That's one of my favorites as well, but my tortured memory is telling me that's likely because you pointed it out to me lo these many years ago and it stuck in my head as a result.

posted 02-22-2001 03:20 PM               

The Religions
Taoism: Shit happens.
Hinduism: This shit happened before.
Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."
Buddhism: It is only an illusion of shit happening.
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Jehovah's Witnesses: Knock, knock. Shit happens.
Atheism: There is no such thing as shit.
Agnositicism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
Protestantism: Shit won't happen if I work harder.
Catholicism: If shit happens, I deserve it.
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to me?
Televangelism: Send money or shit will happen to you.
Rastafarian: Smoke that shit.

Or perhaps....

Politics
Independent: Shit happens.
Democrat: Shit is vast right-wing conspiracy.
Republican: The rich deserve more shit.
Moderate: We must also consider shit's right to happen.
Liberal: Shit will happen if we don't spend enough.
Conservative: The courts have allowed too much excrement.
Reform: We can't get our poop in a group.
Socialist: Support the equal distribution of shit.
Communist: Come the revolution, shit will not happen again.
Libertarian: Legalize all kinds of shit.
Green: Compost happens.

"Stereotypes are devices for saving a biased person the trouble of learning."

We took the Indian's land, divided it up amongst ourselves, and distributed televisions so we could watch documentaries about Indians.

"Imagination is more important than knowledge." Albert Einstein

I do not intend to tiptoe through life only to arrive safely at death.

Under Republicans, man exploits man.
Under Democrats, it's just the opposite.

I'm not a feminist, but...
I appreciate the right to help choose my government representatives.
I enjoy the option of wearing pants or shorts if I want.
I'm pleased that I was allowed to learn to read and write.
It can be very convenient to control how many babies I want to have.
It's awfully useful to be able to open a bank account and own property in my name.
I like knowing that my husband or boyfriend cannot legally beat me.
It's really swell to keep the money that I earn.

posted 02-28-2001 04:51 PM            

"I honor English majors. It's a dumb thing to major in." -- Natalie Goldberg

posted 03-20-2001 09:09 AM               

Sam, irked upon hearing that there are bathrobes in the women's gym (and apparently none in the men's): Now, that's outrageous. There's a thousand men working here and fifty women.

CJ: Yes and it's the bathrobes that are outrageous.

posted 03-20-2001 12:56 PM               

To keep this post on topic, and even in the vein of Aaron Sorkin writing, from a recently replayed episode of Sports Night:

Dana: You're mad at me? You spend 6 months making me feel guilty for liking me job, then propose to me, then 2 days later you tell me you slept with the woman who wants my job? I say, "fine". I say, "fine". Then six days after that, you tell me you want to break off the engagement? Here's the thing: I think only one of us should be angry at a time - and I have a hunch it's gonna be me.

Gordon: I think you're hung up on Casey.

Dana: That's what this is about?

Gordon: That's what this is about.

Dana: I am not.

Gordon: You are: you don't cover it well.

Dana: This is a cheap excuse to get out of marrying me, which you never wanted to do in the third place, and the only reason you proposed, in the second place, was out of guilt for having slept with Sally in the first place.

Gordon: You say, "fine"? I sleep with Sally, you say, "fine"? Casey sleeps with Sally, you have a level-three nervous breakdown.

Dana: You're calling off the engagement because I wasn't made enough when I found out you were sleeping around? Let's do the whole thing all over again. And this time I'll just beat the living crap out of you.

When I grow up, I want to be Dana.
[Edited to add that when I grow up I would also like to spell better.]

posted 04-05-2001 06:14 PM               

A few weeks after my [breast cancer] surgery, I went out to play catch with my golden retriever. When I bent over to pick up the ball, my prosthesis fell out. The dog snatched it, and I found myself chasing him down the road yelling "Hey, come back here with my breast!" --Linda Ellerbee

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. --Lily Tomlin

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. --Erma Bombeck

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning. --Catherine Aird