Author Archive

Five Reasons Why Retail Employees Are Not the Enemy

Posted November 24, 2011 By Pattie Gillett

These days, some people view holiday shopping as a sport or game: collecting the best coupons, sussing out the best deals, beating the crowds, picking the right stores at the right time, suriving the long lines without having to use the bathroom… It takes physical and mental strength, right? If shopping is your game, this is your season. So lace up your comfy shoes, fire up your shopping smart phone apps, and enjoy.

One thing I will ask you to keep in mind this season is that there are no extra points or bonus credits for ripping apart retail employees in the course of your shopping. They are not your enemy, there’s no need to treat them as such. I’ve assembled a list of five things you may not know about retail employees which I hope encourages you to spread a little more holiday spirit and little less retail rage when you shop this season.

1. Retail employees work insane hours.
In the somewhat fictional, sepia-toned time of Norman Rockwell’s painting of an improbably large and perfect Thanksgiving turkey, the only people working on this holiday were police officers, firefighters, hospital workers, and other essential workers, most of whom got holiday pay for sacrificing their “family time for the greater good. In our high-definition, modern reality, Thanksgiving seems to have become yet another meal we rush through in order to get to something else. That ‘something else’ being a sale on the latest gaming console at the local electronics store that requires you to line up at 5pm for the 10pm store opening. Think about it: if you’re in line at 5pm on Thanksigiving, and the store opens at 10pm on Thanksgiving, it means that dozens of employees who work at that store were there all day, stocking, cleaning, and getting the store ready for you. They didn’t eat Thanksgiving dinner and they will likely be there for most of the night and into the following day. For some, they’ll get six to eight hours off, to eat, sleep, change, etc. before they need to be back again for the next shift. No one gets Black Friday off, not if they want to keep their jobs.

And Black Friday is just the start. Most stores have extended hours throughout the holiday season. That means closing at 11pm, restocking through the night and re-opening at 7am for nearly eight weeks. If the person ringing up your purchase looks a little bleary-eyed, this is why.

2. Retail salaries are low, with very few benefits.
Sure the hours are insane, but retail workers get paid well to compensate, right? Wrong. Labor unions are non-existent at the major retailers these days so there’s very little pressure for national retailers to pay very much above minimum wage. That fact, coupled with high unemployment, means that there is no shortage of new workers to replace the ones who complain, burnout, or get fired. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, the average non-commissioned retail sales employee makes just over $9 per hour with few, if any, benefits to boost their overall compensation.

Most retailers manage their employee payrolls systematically to keep the majority of their employees just under the threshold for which the law demands that the employees be given medical and other benefits. So that means if you work full-time and have medical coverage, the person waiting on you in your favorite store works one or two hours less per week and gets none.

Most retail employees are eligible for a modest employee discount at the stores where they work, often between 10% and 15%. However, these days, any savvy online shopper with a good search engine can match or exceed that on any given sale day so can it really be called a perk?

3. Retail workers do not order stock or set the sales.
So your favorite store put ads out everywhere touting the fact that they will have half-price Whatevers on sale starting at 11pm on Thanksgiving night. Those Whatevers are sooooooo expensive and hard to find, so you get yourself there, line up in the cold, and have your credit card at the ready. But cue sad trombone, the ad didn’t exaclty say that each store was only getting two of said Whatevers and the extreme couponer in line ahead of you got them both. So what now? Well, if you’re like most people, you march over to the first store employee you see and you tear them a new one, right?

Um…why exactly? Let’s think about this. Did the store employee you’re ripping apart actually order the shipment of Whatevers from China? Did he or she actually decide that each store would only get two? Did he or she decide how much the discount would be? The answer to all of those is almost certainly no. Let’s get this straight, the people who make ordering, shipping, and cost decisions for major retailers make way more than $9 per hour, don’t wear logo imprinted polo shirts, and are sure as Hell not going to be in a store on 11pm on Thanksgiving night. Store employees, even store managers have no say in these decisions. The stores are expected to execute sales directives, make sales goals, and keep costs down. That’s it. Even if the employee you tear apart passes on your complaint to the “higher ups” it’s likely to get lost in the internal bureacracy because corporate offices never take employee complaints seriously.

If you have a complaint, make it to corporate yourself. Do it publicly on their Facebook page or to their Twitter account. The likelihood for real change or compensation is much higher.

4. If they could open more registers, they would. Seriously.
Long retail lines during the holiday season are a fact of life but isn’t it infuriating when there are eight registers and only four of them are open? I completely agree! Someone get me the store manager so I can tell him or her that this simply cannot be tolerated. Yes, the same store manager who has no power in the corporate structure and whose promotion to store manager likely meant that he or she gets to work twice as many hours for a fixed salary instead of an hourly rate with some overtime. The store manager who is given a strict holiday payroll budget in September which is based on maxmizing profits, not on customer service. Give it a shot. You can certainly make your opinions known. You can even yell or scream a bit. It’s not going to be the first time this manager has gotten yelled at today and it probably won’t be the last. It also probably won’t get any more registers open either. My advice, shop early in the morning or later in the day on weekdays, as store hours allow. The lines will be shorter.

5. Retail workers have not declared “war” on Christmas, they have to follow a script.
Thanks to the modern innovation that is mystery shopping, almost every second of your three-to-five minute interaction at the cash register of a major retailer is now scripted. They have to ask you if you found everything you need (even though there’s not much they can do if you didn’t), they have to pitch you on the store credit card (even though the last thing they want to do with a long line of customers is check your credit), and they have to give you a cheery greeting and farewell (even though they’re probably so tired they can’t remember what year it is). The fact that the last item may be “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” or whatever seasonal holiday you enjoy, is not their choosing. The corporate office likely wrote the script based on focus group research and whole bunch of other factors that have nothing to do with the person packing up your newly purchased sweaters. The employees have to follow it to the letter or they can be fired or, at best, lose any slim hope they have of bonus pay. So feel free to reply “Merry Christmas” in your snottiest voice at the employee who tells you to have a “Happy Holiday.” That embodies to spirit of the season and will likely make their day.

Or you could both just say “have a nice day” and mean it.

Bottom line: it’s all about profits.
I know it sounds like I’m going out of my way to make excuses for retail employees and I admit to being somewhat biased. I managed a retail shopping mall for three years. While there are lousy retail employees out there (I certainly fired my share), the vast majority just want to do their jobs well, earn their pay, and support their families. They don’t want to make your lives harder nor do they want to ruin your holiday. They rely on shoppers and need you to come back. Unfortunately, most of the key decisions that impact the shoppping experience are made by people who don’t set foot in the stores at all, let alone during the holiday season. Keep in mind, most major retailers in this country are publically traded companies. A successful holiday season for them maximizes profits to shareholders, not positive experiences for customers. It’s not likely to change until customers remind them, en masse, that the two are not mutally exclusive.

Happy Shopping!

The Dance Recital Pro-Am

Posted June 11, 2007 By Pattie Gillett

A mental challenge requiring intense focus and concentration? Check.
A physical challenge requiring muscle strength, coordination, and conditioning? Check.
An emotional challenge requiring compassion, understanding and intuition? Check.

Fur wristlets? Sequined headband? Pink lip gloss? Curling Iron? Check, check, check.

Welcome one and all to the recap of my baptism by fire into the stress-filled world of dance recitals. It’s me, my five-year-old daughter Alex, 160 other mother-daughter teams, and one heck of learning curve.

Day One – The Saturday 7:30 PM Show

Right off the bat, it’s important to know that recitals for this particular dance school are not a one-shot event. There are three performances spread over two days. I’m not sure how common this is but most of the newer dance moms (myself included) were a little taken aback by this format. Thankfully, we were informed several months ago giving us plenty of time to adjust to the fact that we would get nothing else in our lives done on recital weekend.

Having attended my niece’s dance recital a year earlier I had a vague idea of what was required in the backstage area and packed accordingly: costumes, two, carefully wrapped in plastic, accessories for each number (the aforementioned wristlets and headbands), clean tap and jazz shoes, laces, hairbrush, hairspray, extra makeup, snacks and beverages, small coloring book, crayons. And last but not least, the child, dressed in an outfit that does not have to go over her head to be removed lest we disturb the makeup and sponge curlers that were so carefully applied some time earlier (by my sister).

I guide my little dancer into the massive dressing room and instantly realize something. Despite my planning and vague notions of preparedness gleaned from my sister, I am an amateur. The pros are already here. The mothers with multiple daughters or with daughters who have been dancing in recitals for five or even ten years have commandeered the space along one entire wall. They do not just have small lunch bags with snacks to keep five-year old tummies at bay. They have rolling coolers, fruit baskets, trays of cheese and crackers, cold cut platters, dips, spreads…Is that brie?

The veterans also have portable sewing machines, state-of-the-art curling irons, and nerves of steel. They talk amongst themselves and rarely wander over to the newbies. They’re not aloof, just focused. In the zone. Their zone. Not ours. They pull beverages out of their coolers and toss them to each other with practiced ease while pinning feather headpieces atop heads of perfectly shaped curls. Their daughters have brought flip-flops and full-length robes to wear between performances. If I had ever wondered what tailgating at a Broadway show would look like, now I know.

The newbie moms like myself look at them in awe. We are not worthy. In truth, even among the newbies, they are varying levels of preparedness. Most of us have packed snacks and activities for their children for the downtime in between their two numbers. We have scissors, needles and thread for emergency costume repairs, cameras for the all-important cute backstage photos, and lots of tissues and washcloths in case of accidents. The truly frazzled have not thought about food and are at the mercy of the vending machines. Some have also left some important items in the car and now have to dash back to fetch them, with fussy five-year olds in tap shoes perched on their hips. The good thing about being a newbie, though, is the camaraderie. We are all scared out of our wits and anxious to help each other out. Left Kylie’s fringe skirt in the car? Don’t worry; I’ll watch her while you get it. Brooke’s bangs falling? Do you need to borrow some hairspray? Yes, of course, Brittany can share Madison’s crayons.

The show itself is a hurry-up-and-wait frenzy of dressing the children, waiting for their number, dashing them to the stage director, racing to the ‘mom’ area in the auditorium to watch the performance, running back down the hall to catch and hug the children as they exit the stage and run back to the dressing room to dress for the next routine. We don’t watch the clock. We watch the closed circuit TV feed of the stage to mark time. What’s on? Number 24? Is that enough time to take Emma to the potty before their next number? The mothers stand and pace. The girls sprawl out on the floor in their sequined dresses and color and draw to pass the time. Some snack on dry things like crackers and baby carrots. They drink water. Nothing runny and nothing that stains. Lip gloss will need to be reapplied, though. Legs ache from pacing. Arms ache from holding fidgeting children. Voices are hoarse from cheering from the mom section at the end of each number.

The finale ends and we change our weary dancers back into their street clothes and pack up, hoping that tomorrow with be easier. At home, Dave offers to spell me backstage the next day so I can sit in the audience and see the entire show. I remind him of the large sign on the dressing room door that states “No Men Allowed.� The drama of the backstage, complete with females with names like Alexis, big hair, and high tension, is a soap opera that only moms and daughters are permitted to see.

Day Two – The Sunday 1:30 PM Show

This show is affectionately known as the In-Law Show. It seems that most of the newbie moms invited their parents to the Saturday show and their spouses’ parents to the Sunday afternoon show. As a result, most of us are on edge because our mothers-in-law have threatened to come backstage to the dressing room and “help.� Perhaps with that in mind, we’ve packed and planned down to the last detail, emulating the veteran moms whenever possible. Snack bags are larger and more plentiful. We have blankets, more coloring books and the occasional plush toy to calm cranky kids. We agree that there’s no point in dressing the girls too soon just to have them wait around in piles of sequins and tulle. No, we’ll dress them when we’re three numbers away from their call and not a minute sooner but after a potty break. One little girl got a fever yesterday and had to go home, missing her last number and the rest of the weekend. Not taking any chances, a couple of moms packed cold compresses.

By this time, all the newbie kids are comfortable with all the newbie moms and one mom can stand in for another. Kids beg the closest mom for a book or a new crayon. Moms take whole groups of kids on potty breaks for maximum efficiency. Snacks are now communal.

We’re hitting our stride. As we strip the tulle dresses off of our girls and replace them with sequined fringe, we trade ideas over the best course of actions for the break between the afternoon and evening shows. Should we try to get the girls to nap? Eat? Will their curls hold up? A few newbie moms have been talking to the girls in the fifteen- to-eighteen-year-old dance groups about the variety of hairpiece options available at beauty supply stores. Ponytails of ringlets that stay put, blend well, and bounce naturally for less than $25? Many are already sold on the idea for next year. I’m skeptical. Alex’s hair is short, curls rather easily and hello? She’ll be all of six at the next show. Let’s not rush things. I’ve only just gotten used to the idea of putting makeup on her.

Two hours later, though, I’m re-setting her now-flattened curls in sponge rollers and wondering if I’ll ever be good at it.

Day Two – The Sunday 7:30 PM Show

Our kids want their trophies. They’ve been promised these trophies since the start of the dance year and they know that they’ll get them tonight. But just in case that isn’t true, one of them asks about it every 45 seconds, just to be sure. This is enough to make the waiting for their turn seem twice as long. Thankfully, I have learned from the last two days and brought a giant storybook along for this show. I sit Alex and her best dance friend down on a blanket, let each pick a story and begin reading aloud. Five minutes later, I am surrounded by little girls on my blanket, even some older ones, who are eager to show off their reading skills. The time flies and soon it’s time for their performance.

The girls love the stage by now and at least two break protocol to wave at family members when they are supposed to be tapping. They look like frosted cupcakes in their tulle dresses so it doesn’t matter. They’re cute. Afterward, the moms race back to meet them as they exit the stage and catch something even cuter. As the line of three- to-five-year-old tappers leaving the stage passes the line of seven- to nine-year-old tappers entering the stage, they all high-five one another, murmuring ‘good job, good job’ as if they were ball players on opposing teams. It’s completely spontaneous, impossibly adorable, and no one catches it on camera. Bummer.

I watch from the back of the auditorium as Dave basically performs Alex’s second number with her from his seat and then screams himself hoarse as she finally gets her gold-toned trophy. We surprise her with three star-shaped balloons as we leave the theater and there’s no happier kid in the world. It’s 10:30 PM and she’s not even tired. We snap some pictures of her in her costume with her trophy until I take it off of her and pack it away in plastic. She dances around the living room with her balloons reminding me of why I suggested dance lessons in the first place. I ask if she had fun and if she wants to do dance classes in the fall. She nods rapidly and answers yes to both questions and keeps dancing.

For a moment she’s happy and so am I, albeit a little tired. And I enjoy this blissful moment of parenthood.

Three minutes later she gets her balloons wrapped around the dining room ceiling fan.

Moment’s over.

Mmmm… Waffles

Posted May 4, 2007 By Pattie Gillett

There’s no real point to this post, just waffles…shaped like keyboards, but I think they’re pretty cool.

Made on a waffle iron composed of re-purposed typewriter parts, this is recycling at its most delicious. Pass the organic maple syrup and locally grown CSA berries, please.

More Than The Extra Mile

Posted May 2, 2007 By Pattie Gillett

For the past several months, I’ve been trying to be more consistent about the whole physical activity thing. Although I like to tell myself that it’s primarily about setting a good example for Alex and being proactive about my health and disease prevention, I do admit that it’s, at least to some degree, about how my jeans fit. I may not get my blood pressure taken everyday but I do look in a full-length mirror fairly often.

First, I was all about walking. It’s relatively easy to do, low-impact, and hey, I mastered the basics of it shortly before my first birthday. Over time, to build up my lung capacity, my endurance, and my ability to catch a five-year old making a bee-line towards the sugary cereals in the grocery store, I switched to running. I’m no IronWoman but I can do a 5K on the treadmill if I set my mind to it and I average about two and half miles per day, four to five days a week. Not setting any world records, but I’m pretty proud of it, given that I only started running this past winter.

The hardest part is staying motivated. Some days I simply feel too tired (or like today, too sick) to strap on the Nikes and get my butt in gear.

Recently, while thumbing through an issue of Wired magazine, I found an article about a man who will likely serve as my motivation for my many “tired” days to come. His name is Dean Karnazes, and he’s been called “the fittest man in the world”(Men’s Fitness), “America’s greatest runner” (Outside magazine), and “just plain crazy” by the coworker reading the story over my shoulder in my office lunchroom.

Karnazes is an ultramarathoner. What’s an ultramarathon? Well, think of it as a race for people who think of the traditional length of a marathon, 26.2 miles, as just a warm up. Ultramarathons can vary in length from 50 miles on a given day to several hundred miles over several days and can take place over rocky, unforgiving terrain and in extreme conditions. According to his web site, Karnazes has run through Death Valley in 120-degree heat, as a solo runner against teams in a 200-mile relay, and in a marathon to the South Pole. Most recently, he ran 50 marathons on 50 consecutive days – one in each of the 50 states.

Certainly impresive stuff. Especially when you consider that the guy averages only four hours of sleep per night, according to the Wired interview. But even with all that, what really inspires me about Karnazes is his work to motivate children to be more active, and to create more situations where these children can enjoy physical activities outdoors. His organization, Karno Kids, has raised money for The Conservation Fund, Girls on the Run, an organzation promotes running to middle-school aged girls in order to cultivate good self esteem, and Kids on Trails, a California-based charity that links physical activity with the exploration of important historical outdoor sites.

At a time where nearly one-quarter of school-aged children in this country are obese, Karnazes is a formidible spokesperson for active living and he’s putting his money where his mouth is in a lot of ways. You have to admire that. He certainly makes me want to spend less time on the sofa and more time seeing if I can literally go an extra mile.

In My Mind And In My Car

Posted April 30, 2007 By Pattie Gillett

Video may have killed the radio star but the iPod has helped me re-discover NPR.

I know, it seems strange that a device that to some is nothing short of Doom for both terrestrial and satellite radio could actually turn someone on to the often dry, yet reliable and competent smarminess that is National Public Radio, but that’s exactly what has happened to me over the past several months.

After years of saying that I’d never have any need for one of them new-fangled mp3 players (as Dave will no doubt confirm), I broke down and bought one. An iPod Nano to be exact. Now don’t get me wrong, having at least a portion of my music collection available at the push of a click wheel is cool but what really got me attached to my Nano were the podcasts. I mean, seriously, where have these things been all my life?

I know, most of them have been on the radio but other than in my car, I never actually listened to the radio! And even then, I only listened to WXPN for tunes and to our local all-news outlet to confirm the traffic jams that I was already trapped in. How was I supposed to know when all these great public radio shows were even on let alone carve out time to sit and listen to them?

But, thanks to the fact that the fine people at NPR put most of their programming out in the form of podcasts, it doesn’t matter when Wait, Wait…Don’t Tell Me is on, all I know is that it downloads into my iTunes every Sunday evening, with a the same smarmy reliability each and every week. I can listen to it on the treadmill, in my car, at my desk at work, on my way to lunch, or when Dave is trying to talk to me about something and doesn’t realize that my ear buds are in.

So what’s on my iPod that can also be heard on NPR? Here are three of my faves:

Wait, Wait..Don’t Tell Me – the quiz show for NPR geeks that basically rewards us for listening all week. The show presents questions from the week’s news to a trio of “celebâ€? panelists and call-in listeners. Very funny, very topical, but a very poor choice to listen to while exercising because your fits of laughter really throw off the aerobic process. I’m just saying.

KRCW’s The Business – originating from Santa Monica’s brilliant public radio outlet, KCRW, but distributed by NPR, The Business is entertainment news and information that you can actually use. All the blather about who’s dating who, who’s in rehab, and who’s converted to Scientology is left to Us Weekly. This leaves host Claude Brodesser-Akner plenty of time to focus on such topics as the differences between scripts written on spec and those sold as pitches, the effect of CGI on movie budgets, the latest distribution technology, how piracy impacts the studios’ and the consumers’ bottom lines, etc. It’s good listening, so good that I’m bummed it only comes out once per week, but Brodesser-Akner often updates his blog in between and that helps ease the withdrawal. A side note: this show also has one of the few really cool theme songs in all of public radio. Imagine that.

This I Believe – A simple premise: someone – a different person each week, in fact – reads an essay which he or she has written summing up a core personal belief. You literally never know what you’re going to get. One week a jovial man extols his belief in good, slow-cooked barbecue. The next week, an Army wife describes why she believes that her husband will phone her each month from Iraq, as he has promised. The following week, the founder of Craig’slist talks about why he believes that the percentage of people who want to lie, cheat, and steal from their fellow man is relatively small. NPR claims that this is one of their most popular segments ever. I believe that.

Take a listen to any or all of these. On your iPod or even the old-fashioned way.

Well, He’s a Son of A Something…

Posted April 29, 2007 By Pattie Gillett

People have been lining up to weigh in on George Tenet’s new book, At the Center of the Storm, about the lead up to the Iraq war. Most predictably among them, his former bosses, who were shocked, just shocked at some of the allegations he made. So shocked that they spent most of Sunday making the rounds on the talk shows to make sure everyone knew that.

But of all who have weighed in, perhaps the most interesting comments come from a group of Tenet’s former CIA colleagues who sent this open letter to him, detailing their thoughts on his willingness to keep his mouth shut about his misgivings about the war just long enough to get a seven-figure advance for said book.

They write:

By your silence you helped build the case for war. You betrayed the CIA officers who collected the intelligence that made it clear that Saddam did not pose an imminent threat. You betrayed the analysts who tried to withstand the pressure applied by Cheney and Rumsfeld.

Most importantly and tragically, you failed to meet your obligations to the people of the United States. Instead of resigning in protest, when it could have made a difference in the public debate, you remained silent and allowed the Bush Administration to cite your participation in these deliberations to justify their decision to go to war. Your silence contributed to the willingness of the public to support the disastrous war in Iraq, which has killed more than 3300 Americans and hundreds of thousands of Iraqis.

As a matter of theory, it would seem ludicrous that we as a society would need the equivalent of a Son of Sam Statute for our highest ranking government officials. That we would have to compel them not to profit from the explicit or implicit crimes they commit against the citizens they are supposed to serve.

But the reality, the reality that certain people in Washington are so adept at obfuscating, is that some people quite literally have no shame. And George Tenet is the least of these.

Musings About Moms on the Campaign Trail

Posted April 29, 2007 By Pattie Gillett

I was over at the Obama campaign site last night checking of the new Women for Obama initative launched earlier this month with a series of kickoff speeches from Michelle Obama. The first thing you notice about Michelle is that she’s a terrific speaker. Very witty, very engaging, very concise. The second thing you notice is that regardless of what the rest of the campaign is trying to do in presenting Barack as some kind of rock star or political deity, she’s making it her mission to remind everyone that he’s just a man who leaves the butter out and doesn’t pick up after himself nearly as much as she thinks he should.

That in and of itself might be a calculated strategy but even if it is, it’s still pretty funny. Sort of a “My wife thinks I am an idiot but even she thinks you should vote for me” thing.

There have certainly been stranger ones used in the past.

That said, I’m listening to Michelle and I can’t help but notice how much what she is saying mirrors most of the Moms Rising platform. Is that on purpose? That got me thinking…and wondering. When the time comes, will Moms Rising, which, by the way, was co-founded by Joan Blades (a co-founder of MoveOn.org) endorse a presidential candidate? What will their criteria be?

I’m also wondering if the Woman for Obama initiative has been part of the plan all along, after all there is Students for Obama initiative already. Or is it a strategy to get out in front of Hillary?

These are just some musings on a Sunday morning. Anything to avoid having to watch the Sunday talk shows or fold laundry.

KNEEL Before Your CD Player

Posted April 26, 2007 By Pattie Gillett

OK, here’s one of those stories that you just knew Dave and I couldn’t let pass by.

A Chicago producer who made a fortune selling CD compilations from radio’s Golden Age has decided to take on the highest of high profile subjects for his next collection: The Bible.

As reported in London’s Guardian a few days ago, the planned set will devote 70 discs to the Old testament and 20 to the New. Production began in July and already features some casting decisions that are…shall we say, creative?

Case in point, the role of God. Look up at the headline again and it’ll come to you. Yup, it’s Terence Stamp. Cross General Zod with Jor-El and evidently you get God. And I ask you, who can argue with that?

The one-hundred-plus member cast also includes Luke Perry as Judas, Marisa Tomei as Mary Magdalene, and Michael York as the narrator.

Jim Caviezel, who played Jesus in Mel Gibson’s Passion of the Christ is a co-producer on this project, titled the Word of Promise. Caviezel is also reprising his role as Jesus. Apparently when the role is that big, fears of typecasting become irrelevant.

Word is that creator (small c) and producer Carl Amari still hasn’t found his Satan but more than one person involved in the project has cast their vote for Simon Cowell.

Also no word as to whether the audio epic will be available on iTunes.

And Though They Did Hurt Me So Bad…

Posted April 26, 2007 By Pattie Gillett

I know that I’ve already posted tonight but I fear that this story has been swallowed up by the news cycle and that’s a shame. For anyone out there who missed Kevin Tillman’s absolutely inspiring testimony about the government’s treatment of his brother Pat‘s death, here it is again.

That the Tillman family had to endure this is a national disgrace. That amidst all of this knowledge, we are letting this administration send troops back for second and third tours in this war is an international tragedy.

And by the way, the title of this post is from the Dire Straits song, Brothers In Arms.

The complete stanza reads:
And though they did hurt me so bad
In the fear and alarm
You did not desert me
My brothers in arms

Have Fun Storming the Castle

Posted April 25, 2007 By Pattie Gillett

Better late than never, I always say. I saw this article about Disney teaming with a wedding dress designer to create princess-themed wedding dresses for grown-up brides about a week ago but I haven’t had a chance to comment on it until now. (In the interest of full disclosure, as I write this, my five-year old daughter’s heart-shaped Disney Princess plate is sitting on my desk. I believe she used it to snack on some carrots while she was playing games on my PC earlier.)

Having purchased at least one Disney Princess dress-up costume for my own daughter, I couldn’t help but be intrigued by this headline. Is there truly a market for women to wrap themselves in bright yellow tulle (Belle, for those out there in non-Princess homes) or bright pink organza (Sleeping Beauty) on their wedding days? And if so, could Seven Dwarf-themed bridesmaid dresses be far behind?

Never fear, says designer Kirstie Kelley, these gowns will not simply be adult-sized versions of the character dresses already available on DisneyShopping.com. Rather these gowns will “attempt to channel the personality of each princess in terms suitable for a real-life, modern woman.”

Yeah, I didn’t quite get that part either.

Kelly goes on to explain key differences between the Disney Princesses to illustrate (hah!) this point.

A mood and fashion sensibility was assigned to each princess-themed gown: Cinderella is for the classic glamour bride; Sleeping Beauty is about pretty romance; Snow White is sweet elegance; Ariel is sultry allure; Belle is stylish sophistication; and Jasmine is bohemian chic.

“It actually touches on every type of wedding,” explained Kelly, who also has her own bridal couture label. “For the destination wedding there’s Ariel or Jasmine, but if you’re having 500 people in a ballroom, you’re definitely the Cinderella gown.”

Um…okay. That clears that up.

I’m really not sure how I feel about this. I fear that weddings in society have already moved so far into the fantasy realm, especially for women, that many have trouble understanding the difference between “getting married” and “having a wedding”. In fact, much of the wedding industry is built around this “princess for day” sense of entitlement that translates into brides spending thousands of dollars on horse-drawn carriages and swans.

As Susan Jane Gilman wrote in her hysterical and insightful book, Kiss My Tiara:

At age five, I perceived marriage as a dress, a party, and a spotlight. Unfortunately, there’s a whole industry dedicated to perptuating this idrea for females until we’re oh, fifty…. Many woman [have] grown up beleiinvg that their wedding will be “their day” – the most improtant day of their life. The problem was, their wedding day was not just “their day”, but their only day…the one time they were allowed to run the whole damn show, demand exactly what they wanted and be the center of attention.

Maybe that’s what bothers me about the creeping influence of the Disney Princesses in the lives of little girls. With few exceptions, the stories of the princess characters bear little resemblance to realties of love, relationships, romance, and work that they will encounter as they outgrow those brightly colored dress-up gowns. After spending your formative years being fed one ideal of life and love, it’s not hard to imagine that girls are more than a little shaken when they enounter the reality.

Am I reading too much into this? It’s certainly possible, but the fact that the word “princess” comes up hundreds of times during the planning of the average American wedding, makes me think that maybe I’m not. Wth or without Disney-themed dresses, Gilman hits the nail on the head about the wedding industry.

Of course, I can’t simply blame Disney for planting the princess idea into every little girl’s head, and I can’t even claim that I’m immune. I got married in a pale pouffy dress with something that looked suspiciously like a tiara pinned to my head. I can’t deny it. There were witnesses. Of course the best man at this blessed event was named Jennifer but that’s a story for another time.

I suppose it’s all about balance. As Disney becomes more effective at inserting their Princess brand into more and more related products and services, parents of young girls need to be more proactive about supplementing that princess image with other examples of the roles woman play and can still play in society. I realize that it’s hard to compete with pink organza and a marketing budget roughly equal to the GDP of China but we should at least try.

That’s all I have to say on this for now save this last comment: Is anyone else out there as disturbed by the idea of as “Ariel is sultry allure” as I am?