Archive for October 1st, 2001

History in the Making, Take Two

Posted October 1, 2001 By Dave Thomer

This article is something of a change of pace; it’s an essay I wrote in 1997 to mark the re-release of the Star Wars trilogy. We’re running it here for a few reasons. The DVD version of The Phantom Menace comes out in about a week, and you’ll be hearing a lot from Kevin, Pattie and me on that subject — so we thought it might not be a bad idea to let you have a glimpse of why some of us take these movies so seriously. Plus you can decide if my writing skills have progressed or regressed since ’97. When I reread it, though, what really struck me was that the essay describes one of the many great days I had as a New Yorker . . . right now, it just feels important to share that.

Manhattan is full of impressive sights. The Empire State Building, the World Trade Center, Central Park, and dozens of others routinely attract crowds of natives and tourists alike. On one particular Friday in January, though, none of them made me happier than the marquee of the Ziegfeld Theater, which proudly announced in huge gold letters that Star Wars returned to the big screen that day. Under the marquee, a few dozen other fans had already taken up their places in the ticket-holders’ line, two hours before showtime. My ten-year-old sister and I raced down the block to join them and cement our place in line, right next to a camera crew that was setting up for a news report. The reporter stood in front of his news van holding his microphone, shaking his head and wondering out loud what would drive presumably rational people to stand in line for hours to see a movie that was almost twenty years old.

For me, it was a matter of honor. The first time I saw Star Wars was in 1982, five years after its first opening day. Since then I have seen the film dozens of times, memorized substantial portions of dialogue, driven myself deep into debt to purchase memorabilia and spin-off products, and in short devoted entirely too-large portions of my life to a fictional galaxy far, far away. But I always felt like I missed something, like I somehow wasn’t a true fan because I had never experienced that opening-day rush. So I viewed George Lucas’ decision to commemorate the film’s twentieth anniversary with a nationwide re-release as the universe’s way of saying, “Of course, we’re sorry, you should have been there the first time. Please accept our apologies.” Read the remainder of this entry »

Crime Pays (At Least a Little)

Posted October 1, 2001 By Kevin Ott

OK, so you’ve heard the one about the guy who gets called for jury duty a week before his vacation and has to put off all the classes he’s teaching. At least, I hope you have. If not, you seriously need to go back and read it. Dave wrote it last month. Or maybe the month before. Probably the month before. But go read it, because it’s pretty good. Better than this story, anyway.

But they’re both about crime, which is the topic of today’s Humor column. Because crime can affect YOU, mister smarty pants. Yeah, you. With the Doritos. Put ’em down and listen.

This is a story about how crime can strike anyone, at any time, even in the middle of a major metropolitan area with a high crime rate at 3 a.m on a deserted street with no cops around. It’s the story about how one time I went out for ice cream and lost TWO DOLLARS to a roving gang of armed bandits. It’s the story of a boy and a horse, and their love for one another. And it’s all true, except for the part about the horse, which I just made up right now.

It was the summer of 1993. Bill Clinton was firmly entrenched in the White House and a young rapper named MC Hammer was well on his way to abject poverty. I understand he’s some sort of minister now. So it just goes to show the curveballs life can throw you sometimes.

I had just graduated from high school and had my entire life ahead of me. Well, except for the part that had already occurred, which was actually behind me, if you want to get technical. I was at home with my friend Dennis, who had come to spend the night at my house because my mother had gone somewhere for the weekend and didn’t want me getting into trouble.

Remember that: My mother didn’t want me getting into trouble. And Vanity Fair says irony is dead.

So after a long night of playing fantasy role-playing games and watching premium-channel soft porn (Remember: High school! I’m actually very cool now! And quite successful with the ladies!), Dennis and I decided that some ice cream would hit the spot. So we struck out for a local convenience store, not really thinking that it was 3 a.m. and the muggers clocked in at about midnight. Hours of fantasy RPG and The Red Shoe Diaries will do that to you.

I bought one of those ice cream sandwiches where it’s actually two chocolate chip cookies with ice cream in between them. Dennis bought the latest LSD-inspired flavor from Ben and Jerry. Shine on, you crazy diamond!

So we left the convenience store. That’s when I asked Dennis if he wanted to hit the local Dunkin’ Donuts on the way home. Now, pay close attention:
Map of Muggers and Dunkin' Donuts
Get ready for this: Dennis didn’t want to go to Dunkin’ Donuts because he wanted to save his money. And Vanity Fair says irony is dead.

So we walked in the direction of the muggers. Only at the time we didn’t actually know there were muggers there, of course. That would have been stupid.

Eventually, we crossed paths with them: Three guys walking on the same side of the street, toward us, making eye contact. We didn’t think anything about it until they stopped us.

Let’s pause here, because this is the part of the story where nearly every white person I have ever met asks the same question. “Were they black guys?” they ask. Or sometimes: “They were black guys, right?” Occasionally, even: “I assume they were black guys.”

So: Yes. They were black guys, okay? Black as the freaking ace of spades. They were considerably blacker than the white prep school boys that, for absolutely no reason, tormented me on the school bus for three years. And much blacker than the white guy who threatened to kill my mother when he held up the convenience store she worked in when I was little. Now kindly insert your head back into your rectum.

Anyway.

They stopped us, and their leader explained that they didn’t want any trouble.

“We don’t want any trouble,” he said. “And we’re real sorry to have to do this. But we’re gonna have to ask you to give us all your money.”

That’s when the guy closest to me took out the gun and pointed it at my stomach. It was a cool gun, actually, one of those guns where you cock it by pulling back on the thing that goes over the part behind the barrel. I wanted to ask him about it, maybe have him show it to me and explain how it worked, but I figured he was busy mugging me and I didn’t want to bother him while he was at work.

Like I said, there were three guys: The Gun Guy, who was next to me, who was likely chosen via some sort of Coolest Afro/Sunglasses combination contest; the Leader, who was likely chosen because he was well-spoken and also very tall; and the Lookout, who was probably chosen because he was the guy who’s all nervous and says stuff like “Guys? I got a bad feeling about this. Guys?”

The Gun Guy took care of me. Leader and Lookout shook Dennis down. Fortunately, I only had two dollars on me, since I had spent the better part of a five-dollar bill on ice cream and some other junk I can’t remember. Dennis had about $50 on him, which Leader and Lookout were more than happy to relieve him of. They took his ice cream, too. They didn’t take mine, probably because it was half-eaten.

There was this one part where the Gun Guy was patting down my pockets and found my house keys. When he asked what they were, I showed him and told him he couldn’t have them because I needed them to get back into my house. He said okay.

In retrospect, this was very stupid. I mean, he had a gun, you know?

So they finished mugging us and we all came back together to close the deal.

“Okay,” said Leader. “Thanks for your time. Sorry to have bothered you.”

He seriously said this.

“Hey,” I responded. “Anytime.”

And we parted ways. Or at least, we tried to. It turned out we were all going in the same direction.

“Look,” said Leader. “You can’t follow us.”

“Well, we’re going this way too,” I said.

“But you can’t follow us.” He was pretty clear on this point. We’re pretty sure the Gun Guy was in his camp too, which made any subsequent discussion purely academic.

“Okay, how about this,” I said. “We’ll hang out here for a few minutes while you guys get going. Then after we’ve given you a sufficient head start, we’ll get on our way.”

Leader thought about this.

“Okay,” he said.

They turned around and walked away. They looked in the plastic bag they stole from Dennis to see what kind of ice cream they got.

So we went home. I was a little shaken up, and so was Dennis. We didn’t call the police, mostly because we forgot.

All in all, it was a pretty good experience, and well worth two dollars for such a cool story. It impresses people, anyway, and I get to feel all intrepid when I check “yes” on surveys that ask if I’ve ever been the victim of a violent crime.

But I guess we failed in our primary goal, which was to get ice cream. I mean, I still had my ice cream after the mugging, but Dennis grabbed it from me and threw it in the gutter when I started gloating about it. So we went out to get ice cream, and came back with none.

And Vanity Fair says irony is dead.

What Art Art?

Posted October 1, 2001 By Dave Thomer

One of the things that drew me to philosophy was the discipline’s attempt to answer questions that seemed impossible to answer conclusively. I hope the last few articles, which have surveyed some (but by no means all) of the most significant authors in Western philosophy, have shown how this can be a satisfying and useful discipline. Now it’s time to tackle some of those questions ourselves. I’m confident that some — like “Who on Earth thought a sitcom starring Emeril Lagasse would have any artistic merit?” — will never be answered. But even that unanswered question does suggest a more fundamental, and probably more interesting, set of questions — how the devil do we determine what it means for something to have artistic merit in the first place? And what is art, anyway?
Read the remainder of this entry »

Who Benefits?

Posted October 1, 2001 By Pattie Gillett

Anyone who paid any attention to the rise and fall of the stock market over the last ten years knows that the “new economy” in and of itself, is not reason enough to do anything – lest you end up a major shareholder in Pets.com. However the competitive environment that came out of that period did lead to some important changes in the way many of us work.

A tight market coupled with a relative abundance of capital made it much easier for workers to demand more from their employers – without fear of losing their jobs. Certain perks like onsite massages and weekly beer and pizza parties (a Silicon Valley software company, of course), are easy to write off as frivolous. However, employees might be less willing to give up perks like tele-commuting, tuition reimbursement, and, a phenomenon that gained tremendous momentum in the nineties – domestic partner benefits.

Recent surveys estimate that the number of U.S. employers extending health and other benefits to unmarried domestic partners (both heterosexual and homosexual) at between 18 and 22%, or roughly 2500 colleges, governments and private corporations. Nearly 90% of those that offer these benefits began doing so in the last five years. As a spokesperson for a Human Rights Campaign, a Washington, D.C.- based advocacy group for gays in the workplace, said in early 2000, “Domestic partner benefits are increasingly becoming a standard business practices in corporate America. Employers have discovered that these benefits help attract and keep the best workers, a critical consideration in the current tight job market.”

Offering a competitive benefits package to attract the best workers may have been priority number one in the late nineties but in late 2001, it is almost certainly not. In a time where economic and other factors led to 199,000 job cuts in September alone, many are wondering if the other merits of domestic partner benefits are enough to sustain them.

What Are Domestic Partner Benefits?

Before we can discuss their merits, perhaps it’s best to describe domestic partner benefits according to the definition found in most employer policies. Domestic partner benefits can include medical and dental insurance, disability and life insurance, pension benefits, family and bereavement leave, education and tuition assistance, credit union membership, relocation and travel expenses, and anything else that spouses and other family members may be entitled to under a company’s benefits policy. While definitions of “domestic partners” can differ from company to company, the basic definition, which is intended to approximate a legal marriage, is as follows:

  • there must be an ongoing and committed spouse-like relationship intended to exist indefinitely, which has existed for at least six months;
  • the partners are not related by blood to a degree of closeness that would prohibit legal marriage in the state in which they reside;
  • neither of the partners can be the legal spouse or domestic partner of any other person;
  • both have shared the same residence for at least six months, are responsible to each other for the direction and financial management of their household, and are jointly responsible for each other’s financial obligations.

Some companies require that the employee and their partner sign an affidavit or other official document attesting to the above or be registered with a local domestic partner registry (if one exists in the area; there is a list available). Some companies also limit DP benefits to homosexual partners using the argument that the law does not prevent heterosexual partners from marrying. For the most part, however, most DP policies apply to all domestic partners and their natural or adopted dependents.

In light of the current economic downtown (and the impact on the workforce), advocates of domestic partner benefits argue that while having a benefits package with a competitive edge was the easiest way to “sell” DP benefits to corporate America, it’s far from the only reason:

Reason 1 – Practice What You Preach

One good reason to offer DP benefits is to enforce a company’s own anti-discrimination policy. If a company has already taken its policy further than the federal and most local governments by also prohibiting discrimination based on sexual orientation, it is, some say, a natural extension to offer gay employees the opportunity to take advantage of all the benefits offered to married couples. This is particularly true since most states do not allow same sex marriages. Until the law recognizes these relationships, some companies may choose to do so in the only way they can. One Philadelphia-area company also attempts to extend this policy to companies it does business with by inquiring about the benefits polices of its clients, vendors, partners, etc.

Reason 2 – Equal Pay for Equal Work

As any employer with tell you, an employee’s take home pay is only a portion of his/her overall compensation. If that employee works full time and is entitled to benefits such as health care coverage, dental coverage, pension plans, etc., these can account for up to 40% of that employee’s total cost to the company. Therefore, someone who is in a committed relationship but not married to their partner cannot receive their full compensation without an inclusive DP policy. This is especially true of pension or life and disability plans, which normally pay benefits to a spouse in the event of the employee’s death.

Reason 3 – Reflecting America

Between the 1990 and 2000 Censuses, there was an over 300% increase in the number of same sex unmarried partner households. Conversely, the number of “traditional” households (comprised of heterosexual married couples and their children) has been declining in the past 30 years, from 40% of the total number of American households in 1970 to just under 25% in 2000. With that in mind, a policy that includes domestic partner benefits is an attempt to better meet the needs of a population that, for one reason or another, is relying less and less upon marriage as the basis of a family.

What About the Costs?

In this era of layoffs and corporate belt-tightening, it may seem unlikely that a company would agree to policy changes that would significantly increase its employee compensation spending. But, as studies among the companies already offering DP benefits, extending existing polices to include domestic partners doesn’t hurt the bottom line and the return on the investment is significant.

Separate studies conducted in from 1996 through 1998 by the International Society of Certified Employee Benefits Specialists and management consulting firms Towers Perrin and Hewitt Associates all show a “minimal” increase in medical claims. Moreover, the costs of covering a domestic partner were no higher than covering a spouse or other dependent. This last point in particular is important because one argument against DP policies has been the fear that costs from covering AIDS and HIV-related illnesses would lead to an increase in the company’s medical premiums. This has not proven to be the case. One reason, says one insurer that also offers DP benefits to its own employees, is that the costs of covering AIDS-related illnesses are not significantly higher than other illness such as cancer, major heart disease, etc. Moreover, in many cases, medical costs for same sex domestic partners is lower than those of heterosexual couples because there are fewer pre-natal, pregnancy, infant care costs to cover.

The overall costs of implementing a DP benefits program tend to stay low because very few eligible partners actually utilize the cost-bearing parts of the programs. Enrollment rates hover around one or two percent of eligible employees. The major reason for this is that a large percentage of same sex domestic partner relationships are dual-income, meaning that partners generally have access to their own health and dental care plans. This statistic, should not, says the HRC, be taken as evidence that DP benefits are unnecessary. Domestic partners who utilize these plans say that the acknowledgment of their commitment is just as important as any financial benefits. One partner said that the plan was worthwhile just because it allowed her to be acknowledged when her partner became seriously ill and was hospitalized. Hospital regulations usually limit visitors to family. Since she was an acknowledged by the company’s medical plan as a domestic partner, she had a convincing argument for hospital staff who would have otherwise barred her from the partner’s bedside.

Secondly, there have been, contrary to many concerns, virtually no instances of fraud in response to the availability of DP benefits. Some argue that an employee could allow “virtually anyone” to get “free or cheap health care” on the company’s tab. As mentioned above, the companies offering DP benefits require employees to meet specific requirements, including affidavits and other sworn statements before any benefits are paid. (Frankly, this is even stricter than what married couples are asked – when signing my husband up for my company’s medical insurance, the HR department took my word that he was my husband. I did not have to show a copy of our marriage certificate.) American Airlines, which only extends DP benefits to same sex partners, requires that the couple pledge to marry, if and when same sex marriage becomes legal, in order to get the benefits.

The bottom line: the economy may have made many workplace perks passé but, as many companies large and small (including these) have shown, domestic partner benefits do have a place in today’s working environment. Companies that are looking to offering them should prepare themselves for a backlash, but can be assured that there are practical, justifiable reasons to help the American workplace keep pace with America.